7 Days: Day 1 (Drive-In Night)

BY bonnie

(7 Days is a quarterly self-portrait group project I have taken part in for the last sixish years. One selfie a day for a week.)

Tonight was Drive-In night! I’m too tired for words to happen right now so here’s bullet points:

~Loved Monsters University
~Kids had a blast being overly goofy in the way back of the wagon
~Camping sleeping bags are cozy and warm
~Also handy: camping lantern. would have helped last year when I lost my keys for half of The Avengers
~SUPERMOON was tonight
~I miss Tony Stark, but I’m glad we didn’t stay for Iron Man 3
~Because tired (Also because I’ve already seen it)

PICTURES!

Also, I took this Instagram video that I am too stinking proud of: Projector Lights at the Drive In

How I Spent the Summer Solstice

BY bonnie

Tonight we went with some friends to the beach to watch the sunset. It is Litha, the summer solstice. The reason I am Pagan is because I feel closest to God (Source/The Universe/Mother Nature/whatever you want to call it) when I’m connected to the Earth. I know. A lot of people say that; it’s cliche. That’s OK. It can be cliche and also legitimate. There are some Pagan holidays in the wheel of the year that I don’t connect with as much – Imbolc and Lughnasadh, for instance are harder for me to relate to (possibly because I’m not a farmer or connected with the harvest in that way). It’s the equinoxes and solstices that I particularly connect with, I think, in part because they are very clear astronomical events. When I stop and think about the fact that today my part of the Earth is at the point where it’s the closest to the sun that it will be all year I get a small sense of just how small I am and where I am in this Universe. And then I bury my feet in the sand and I feel like life is perfect. The Earth is perfect, it’s passage through space is perfect, the way the seas rise to meet the moon is perfect, my feet covered in sand are perfect, the smell of the ocean is perfect. Nothing is perfect and that is perfect.

In past years we’d have a big to do with an altar and a feast and a circle with friends at the Pagan holidays. We haven’t been very formal about anything recently. Because life is hard, man. And sometimes I guilt myself for not being better about planning things, but honestly, that’s bullshit. I love ceremony and ritual and I love when I do those, but sometimes it’s just as meaningful to bury your feet in the sand and find perfection. Who says ceremony and ritual have to be ceremonious and ritualistic? (I mean besides dictionaries.)

So it was a very short night, with very little ceremony, but it was full of laughter and friends and these weird kids (and that MOON!).

Happy Solstice!

Lady Links, This is a Woman

The So Far Still Un-Renamed Weekly Awesome

BY bonnie

Today is the Summer Solstice (for those of us in the northern hemisphere, that is – it’s midwinter down south) and my family and I will celebrate by watching the sunset at the beach. The beginning of our trek into winter, when the Earth wobbles back away from the sun. In our particular area of the world, it’s still very much springtime (if overcast days signify springtime. I don’t really know what season to call this, actually). We won’t get the heat of summertime until the fall. Seasons are confusing for us, OK?

Wow. That paragraph devolved quickly from musings on spirituality and celestial events to defensiveness about our yearly climate. Let’s just forget this happened and get on to the Lady Links.

LADY LINKS. I might have just renamed the Weekly Awesome, you guys. LADY LINKS.

~TIAW on Pinterest and Tumblr.
~This is a really powerful and heavy article about Don Draper’s rape on Mad Men. I don’t mean that he raped someone. I mean that he was raped. If you don’t read this one, at least read the two articles linked to The Good Men Project where two male rape survivors talk about their rapes.
~This one was hard to take. I mean. LLOYD DOBBLER WITH A BOOM BOX. But, if I am going to be totally (and painfully) honest with myself, I had to admit that it’s a little bit stalkery. *sigh*
~VERY cool interview about feminist porn.
~How to start loving your vagina. <--Best article all year. Share it with EVERYONE YOU KNOW. ~I've probably shared this one before, but it bears repeating. How to talk to little girls.

Happy Summer (or Winter) Solstice! I hope you have a fabulous weekend!

Just Life, Local

That’s Fair

BY bonnie

(HAR.)

We haven’t been to the fair in a few years. Partly because the last two themes have been boring to the point of repellant. I think one was football or maybe team sports in general. That makes me violently bored. So bored I want to hurt people. I think maybe someone took a good long look around the fair crowds last year and was all, “Wow. There are, like, zero nerds here. We must remedy this.” And so this year’s theme was gaming. No. Really. Before this (well, I guess before the sports one) I had considered a fair’s theme incidental, and I barely paid notice to it at all. But this year the theme made the experience that much more exciting.

There were giant versions of games like Operation and Connect Four, there were old arcade games like Dig Dug and Pac Man, and there were live versions of games like Family Feud. And the decorations. There were Monopoly board spaces directing you places (GO!) and even a jail one in the security office (which I did not get a picture of). It was too perfect. There were even art exhibits dedicated to gaming (which I was not allowed to get pictures of).

For a long time we always paid to park in the lot on the fairgrounds because strollers are a pain in the ass on trams or shuttles. But we don’t need those anymore and free is my favorite price for parking. PLUS! The shuttles now are (usually) double decker buses! Some that still advertise “Picadilly” in peeling letters! One that has the Beatles plastered on the outside for some reason! So I thought it would be super exciting to ride on the top deck of an open-air double-decker bus. But instead of “super exciting” it was “kind of terrifying”. When the first street light whizzed past my head and we headed towards that freeway underpass (pictured below), I got a ~~little bit~~ lot bit dizzy. I kind of enjoyed the thrill but also kind of wished there were seat belts and/or a track guiding the bus. I am not a roller coaster person and that was just about my limit of excitement.

The trip had been a total surprise for the kids (and a slight surprise for me as well, since I only decided on it the day before) and it turned out to be a really fun day. We don’t make it to the fair every single year, but I’m glad we did this time. Dear Fair Planners: Maybe next year’s theme can be Harry Potter?

You can see the rest of the photos here.

Onwards

The Platinum Rule

BY bonnie

I wrote this on Tumblr awhile back:

A long time ago in another lifetime I was sent to some work training thing where they teach you corporate bullshit like “paradigm shift,” or “thinking outside the box.” In this case they taught us about the Platinum Rule. And, despite what I’d like to say about it, I actually find it really valuable. The point is that we’re taught the Golden Rule – to treat others as we’d like to be treated. And that’s important when we don’t know how the OTHERS would want to be treated (not the OTHERS like in Lost. We don’t treat them with either Rule, we just hide). But the Platinum Rule states that we should treat others as THEY want to be treated. Every person and every situation each person is in is so different that there isn’t just one answer.

I wrote that in response to a Stephen Fry quote about depression which came (to my attention) shortly after Allie Brosh’s post about depression.

But the thing is that the Platinum Rule applies to everything. Depression, pregnancy, body image, weddings, procreation, vegetarianism, fandoms… Everything. You know all those “Things not to say” lists? If we all followed the Platinum Rule, we wouldn’t need them.

So why don’t we all follow the Platinum Rule?

I don’t know. But if I had to guess, I would say it’s because the Golden Rule is easier. We created etiquette as a sort of rulebook for life. So we’d know how to handle certain situations that might otherwise be unfamiliar to us. We all know these rules and we have come to expect them from people. People who don’t follow these rules are considered rude because we don’t understand what they are thinking.

But etiquette doesn’t cover every situation ever. So we covered our asses by creating the Golden Rule. If you’re in a situation that your understanding of etiquette doesn’t cover, go ahead and act the way you’d want people to act to you. This is mostly a good thing. It covers all the basics like, “don’t murder people” because you wouldn’t want to be murdered. Or “Give The Hand* when another driver lets you go first” because you’d want someone to give you The Hand if you allowed them to go first.

But then you get to the next level of How To Interact With Other Humans. Those gray areas where your best intentions turn into hurtful things because you don’t know what’s going on in the other person’s head. Where, instead of assuming how you should act, you ask how they want you to act. Because while you may have worries and a gentle reminder to relax might work for you, if someone tells me to relax while I’m having an actual anxiety attack, I only tense up further and become angry on top of anxious, because what I really need at the moment it just to be understood. And possibly some Xanax.

And so here I am. Promoting this Platinum Rule. Which seemed, at first, to be some of the corporate-est bullshittiest corporate bullshit out there, but turns out, upon actual implementation, to be some of the best advice I ever received. So go forth and Platinum each other. And, yes. Let’s always call it Platinuming Each Other.

*You know. The Hand. That little gesture that’s not really a wave? It’s more just a presenting of your hand. But other drivers know you are saying, “Hey, thanks!” and not just, “Look! I have a hand!”

Recipes

Beet Hummus. I KNOW, RIGHT?

BY bonnie

People are always complaining about people who share pictures of their food online. These people – the complainy ones – just don’t understand. Food is awesome. I want to see pictures of what you eat. And you want to see pictures of what I eat. Because the food I eat is interesting* and delicious and will make you beg for the recipe.

This is one such recipe. But you need not beg, for I shall present it to you thusly.

This recipe is one that I actually saw someone share on Instagram and I begged the recipe off her. I then adjusted it because my family can’t eat food like normal people. This is the version we enjoy.

We like this as a dip, or on a sandwich. It’s good with crackers, chips, or veggies. I’ve had non-beet people try it and looooove it. I think the cumin helps to offset the beety-ness of the beets. Once I ran out of cumin and used a little bit of paprika and maybe a dash of my favorite smoked salt (but not a lot because my daughter is all anti-smoked salt).

Beet Hummus

4 medium beets, roasted
1/4 C tahini
1/4 C apple cider vinegar (especially love it raw)
1 medium shallot bit thing (technical term)
1/2-1 tsp cumin
salt (and pepper if you like) to taste

Blend everything together in a food processor.

BOOM. Beet hummus.

*Except for the food that is boring. But I don’t subject my online friends to photos of that.

Local, Random

Saying Goodbye to the Library

BY bonnie

I love libraries. (Except. Full disclosure: I just tried spelling it “libraryies” so maybe take this all with a grain of salt?) I love the smell of books, and the quiet, and the connection to information. I love that you can research things you can’t find elsewhere like old newspapers or local history or genealogy. Well. You can find all that online now, I guess. But back in the dark ages in 1994 you couldn’t, and that made libraries feel magical. I don’t remember what year my library got rid of the card catalogs, but it seems like yesterday. Part of me believes that, if I turned that one corner, I’d see the microfiche machines all lined up just like they used to be. But my library doesn’t have any of that anymore, of course. (Fun fact: my grandma volunteered at our local library and brought some of the old cards home for scratch paper when the library moved their catalog to computers. Fun fact: my library’s catalog software hasn’t really changed much since they computerized it almost 20 years ago.)

I also love old buildings, and find myself particularly drawn to the ones built in the 1950’s or 1960’s. I don’t know why that time period, of all time periods, draws me so much more than, say, the grand Victorians. I love all the historical places, but this era especially gives me a sense of nostalgia I can’t place. The way the sounds echo hollowly off the hard, shiny tiles as shoes click busily down hallways. The vague scent of dusty corners and musty stairways and floor wax mingling in a way unique to buildings of the era. The stifling and pervasive sense of history more pungent than any of the five physical senses. To think of all the memories the building holds, both in terms of physical records of history as well as that intangible way that memories mark themselves upon a place. The slight sense of sadness. A once-grand place, now nestled in among the usual downtown juxtaposition of refuse and shiny new stuff. It calls me.

I have spent little time in the Downtown branch of the San Diego libraries, at least compared to my hometown library that I grew up in and still visit weekly. I think I first visited the Downtown branch for some long-forgotten high school project and I fell in love with it right that day. Later, I spent a few years working only a couple of blocks away so I visited it somewhat regularly (at the time there were also a lot of used bookstores in the area. ah I miss those). For a photography class I had to go look up books of artists for a report and I found many of my favorite photographers on those shelves. Cindy Sherman, Jerry Uelsmann, William Wegman (he’s not just dogs!). But the parking in Downtown isn’t fun or easy, so I haven’t been back in at least 13 years.

I remembered the building itself feeling very historical to me, and, really, 13 years ago was a different age when it comes to library technology. I think back then the microfiche machines were still standing in my local library. So if the technology of the Downtown branch was outdated back when I most visited it, it didn’t register to me.

But walking in last weekend was like time traveling (I mean, if you ignored all the computers). There were card catalogs! And a room full of people using the microfiche! And newspapers hung neatly on those newspaper holder thingies! And more card catalogs! I was excited to share the library – one of my favorite places in the county – with my kids, but I never expected to be able to show them such ancient history in action. I actually asked one lady if my kids could watch her load the microfiche into the machine. My son was kinda pissed as hell that he didn’t get a turn. Fair enough.

What I had expected was to walk in and find a dilapidated old place. With scuffed floors, neglected paint, broken doors, burnt-out lights. But there was none of that. It was a bright and well-maintained place whose shiny floors reflected the joy of being surrounded by books and people who love them. It was a sad day there, the last day, but most people were in good spirits. Perhaps because in a few months the next century’s library will open. Or perhaps because we had all come together to remember what we loved best about the place before it is gone.

It has been closed a week now, and I imagine they are beginning to move everything out. I imagine the shelves empty, the lights out. And I have mixed feelings. Because now there will be a new, larger library with more technological capabilities, and prepared for the growth of the next fifty years, but it won’t be that building that I loved so much.

You can see more pictures here.

Lady Links, This is a Woman

The As-Yet-Officially-Un-Renamed Weekly Roundup of Women’s News

BY bonnie

Well. That’s a name. Of sorts. Want to help pick a new name for what was formerly called the Weekly Awesome? Click here.

~TIAW on Pinterest and Tumblr.
~This is kind of old news (I’m kind of behind on Awesome stuff so a few of these are old news) but I’m sharing it in case you haven’t heard it yet. Sometimes I feel voiceless in this world. I’ve boycotted Nestle for years, but they don’t care. But sometimes – hopefully more and more often – companies listen. And, in this case, Facebook also had to listen. And it’s about damn time.
~Another one on Facebook and misogyny. Also with an awesome ending.
~Here’s an interesting article from NPR about fat-shaming and career/higher education options.
~Remember that one Dove ad a few weeks back where the women described themselves to a sketch artist? XOVain decided to do something similar and got very different results. Now, I do this this was all somewhat intentionally skewed – and so was the Dove one for other reasons – but, if nothing else, it’s SO refreshing to hear women speaking about themselves with such positivity. LOVE.
~What better way to fight misogyny than with snarkasm? I give you Forehead Tittaes, a “product” “endorsed” by Marion Cotillard.
~Last one today. Patrick Stewart. That is all I need to say.

This is a Woman

Official TIAW Welcome!

BY bonnie

To those of you coming here from SOAM or TIAW – welcome!

I’m really excited about the possibilities that lie ahead for zebrabelly.com and TIAW’s continuing online presence. If you want to continue following TIAW online you can click the link up there at the top of this blog (or right here) and you will find links to everything you need.

Right now this blog is quite bare since I decided it was time for a fresh start (I’ve actually been blogging personally for about 12 years) but I plan to bring over old posts as necessary from time to time. TIAW will, for the time being, at least, remain online, although no longer taking submissions. The TIAW Facebook page will slowly evolve into a Facebook page for this entire blog, not just the TIAW aspects of it.

I am hoping this place will become a lively, loving community for the same feminist issues TIAW always dealt with plus more. You can read more about me here to get an idea of what you might expect to see me write about in the future.

Now go to this post and let me know what you think about possible new names for the Weekly Awesome.

This is a Woman

Where You and I Rename the Weekly Awesome Together

BY bonnie

Hrm… Need less terrible ideas….

Over at TIAW, I posted a weekly roundup of all feminist and body-image related stuff which went under the name of The Weekly Awesome. The name always bothered me, though. Because some of the items were not awesome at all; they were angering. But I hesitated to change the name because I didn’t want to insinuate that anger isn’t a good thing when it’s necessary. My thought-process was something like this:

I don’t want to call angering things awesome because “awesome” brings to mind something uplifting.

But anger is important and necessary to fight the things that make us angry. And that’s kind of awesome.

But it bums me out and I don’t want to hear that something’s going to be awesome which leads me to expect Happy Things only to be bummed out.

But I feel strongly that anger is also awesome when it’s necessary and lord knows it’s so often necessary in these issues.

I. Um. May over think things. A little bit.

Eventually my circle of thoughts would spin so fast, I’d go flying out and land in a pile in the corner dizzy and needing more coffee or chocolate. Or chocolate coffee.

I considered divvying them up sometimes to keep them separate, but there was really no way to know if I’d get enough items each week to necessitate both. And I didn’t want to sit on them to collect enough for a post.

And, really, isn’t life all messy and awkward anyway? Life isn’t divvied up all nice and neat. And I am constantly trying to remember that in my life and in the projects I do.

Even so. This is my blog, and it appeals to my sense of order to have a name that suits the weekly roundup posts I do. So there. Life may be messy – and I may try to embrace it in other places – but it’s also OK to take those things I can tie up into neat little packages and tie them up into neat little packages.

Therefore, I’m changing the name. I’m overly partial to alliteration for some reason so right now I’m leaning towards Feminist Fridays, but I’m also worried that might sound a little dry. So I’m asking for your opinions. What do you think we should rename this weekly post?