Tag Archives: finding happy 2013

7 Days, Children of Hoarders, I Own a Home. WTF?

Evolution of My Living Space

BY bonnie

I think threeish years ago I started taking birds-eye views of my living room for 7 Days shots. Tonight I took the final one. It went from a place where I felt very trapped and suffocated by all the clutter (as an adult child of a hoarder this is a really sensitive thing for me) to a place warmed by red walls and cozy and welcoming.

December 2010

I’ve moved a few times in my life and I’ve always kind of enjoyed it. A new place holds a kind of excitement. But moving to this place back in September has been actually surprisingly difficult for me. Maybe because I hadn’t moved for like 14 years, or maybe because I actually own this place and that alone was a huge step. Or maybe because any of the 467 other things that were happening this fall heightened my anxiety. I don’t know. But people would ask me how my new house was and even though I knew I was happy to be here, I also had incredibly amounts of anxiety about it. In the last month or so I’ve finally started to feel like I’m settling in, and seeing this living room makes me really, really happy.

March 2011

Now if only these &*%$! &%!!@#&% &@$%!& !!@!! @$#!&! ants will die I can see myself being happy here for a long time. If they won’t die, I’ll just have to move to Canada.

December 2011

PS. those extra shots in the collage up top there were after I’d taken about 50 shots I didn’t love so I was getting a little loopy. And by “loopy” I mean “hilarious”.

Depression/Anxiety, Edumacation, Holidays, The Zebra

I exist. Possibly. Most likely.

BY bonnie

Right now I’m taking three accelerated-speed classes. Which is, I think, the equivalent of like six classes. That’s difficult enough, but just as these classes started in October I got sick. And I haven’t not been sick since. And these are bad respiratory things. One I ended up in urgent care with a prescription for an inhaler and cough syrup that made me fall asleep. The most recent one I muddled through with extra naps each day. And last night I had a research paper due for my history class. I feel like I’ve done nothing the last three weeks except study, sleep, and feel guilty that I’m neglecting my kids.

However difficult this has been, though, my depression seems to have lifted. When I pause for a moment and ask myself how I’m feeling – no matter what my current emotion is – there is a light undercurrent of not-depressed there. And it feels fucking fantastic. I think I’m too superstitious to outright call it happiness, but that is what it is (KNOCK WOOD, OKAY, UNIVERSE? KNOCK WOOD).

I have a couple more weeks of these classes but without that paper looming overhead, and with the possibility (PLEASE?) of good health on the horizon, I feel like I might possibly get caught up and live a normal, if busy life.

Today I went out to the movies with my kids and their dad, and then we went out to eat at Marie Callender’s which was a surprisingly pleasant experience on Thanksgiving. And then I came home and spent the rest of the day by myself. And it’s been pretty nice, actually. I caught up on some cleaning and laundry. I went to hang Yule lights on our balcony and I was bummed to find out the outlet out there wasn’t working. So I went to go flip some switches but I couldn’t even figure out which switch was for the balcony. So I gave up. But when I came back out into the living room, they were on! I call that a Thanksgiving miracle! Or maybe a serious electrical problem! One of those! Then I put up the tree and had some smoked English cheddar because smoked English cheddar. And you know what? Life is pretty lovely today.

Here’s to up and up! Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Things, This is a Woman

Finding Happy 2013

BY bonnie

A couple of years ago, when I foresaw a difficult year ahead, I decided to set myself up with a system to help keep me focused on the Happy when I knew the Sad would likely visit much of the year (and yet, how I underestimated the Sad of 2011!). I decided to take a photo each day of one thing, person, or moment that brought me some Happy. I kept them all saved in a set on Flickr so I could look through them whenever I needed a lift. And it did help. It was a daily moment to focus on the positive. It was a daily meditation or a prayer that I could do, even when my head was too foggy for meditation or prayer.

And since right now I’m facing some difficult times again, I thought it might be nice to revisit that idea of focusing on at least one Happy each day. If you’re also in need of some Happy, I hope you’ll join me. As we head back into the darker time of year (well, for those in the same hemisphere as I am, that is), and towards the stress of the holidays I know Happy may be harder to find for some. Happiness in numbers, I always say! (I don’t always say that. I never say that. It’s maybe kinda true, though.)

Just tag your Instagram photos this autumn with #findinghappy2013 and if you like, you can join the Flickr group as well. Let’s find Happy together!

(God. That’s the cheesiest ending to a blog post EVER.)

Lady Links, This is a Woman

LADY LINKS ARE BACK! (I hope!)

BY bonnie

Why a picture of my feet and leaves? WHY NOT?

I commit to nothing at this time in my life because right now things are kind of hard. Actually. I guess it’s more correct to say that I commit to raising my kids and getting good grades and maybe washing some dishes once in awhile. So I don’t want to commit yet to being back here just yet, but my plan is to be back here.

And so. LADY LINKS:

~TIAW on Tumblr (which I will get back to next week! I hope!) and Pinterest.
~Join us in Finding some Happy on Instagram this year.

~New York City is working on a project that promises not to fat-shame girls, but to teach them that they are beautiful just as they are.
~This one is powerful. Trigger warning for rape. It features lyrics to “Blurred Lines” next to men and women holding signs with things their rapists said to them. Not surprisingly, the signs match up with the lyrics. Ugh.
~Need a boost after that one? Here you go: 30 Days of Redefining Beauty.
~I don’t know, but CAN I MARRY THIS GUY RIGHT NOW? He not only went as “Slave Leo” to the conventions this year (and he made the entire costume himself! from leather and metal!) but he has really well-considered and humblr reasons for doing so.

Depression/Anxiety, Happy Things, I Own a Home. WTF?, This is a Woman

Happy Things: Round 2

BY bonnie

Oh look! It’s me not blogging!

I hate being a broken record. When I have to work my way through something, I get sick and tired of hearing myself use the same words to describe it over and over again. I suppose that using certain words is a normal part of psychological growth and healing, but holy crap I wish I would just shut up.

And so here I am not blogging about where I’m at in my life. Because it’s fucking boring. Blah blah blah depression. Blah blah blah loneliness. Blah blah blah anxiety. Because I don’t want my blog to be everything I hate about me, and I don’t want it to be a broken record.

I’m also having a hard time talking about it because I’m supposed to be happy right now. I bought a home and it’s lovely (and it is) and that’s exciting (and it is) and this is a time full of new beginnings which are supposed to be happy things (and they are). I feel like so many people are so excited about this for me that I’d be letting them down if I feel anything different.

And to complicate things, I actually do feel all the things I’m “supposed” to be feeling, but I’m also feeling all those key words I’m so sick of writing about.

And so here I am. Struggling to get by. Some days are pretty good. Some days are cloudy and hard. Logic and instinct tell me that this will pass as I settle into a routine and get used to all the changes. And I know that they (the logic and the instinct) are right. But the depression and the anxiety are big fat liars that terrify me with thoughts of never recovering.

In the mean time I think I might get back to my Happy Things project. From now until the end of the year (at least). It was like a meditation for me. To take a moment and dedicate it to at least one thing that brought me joy. To photograph it and make art out of it made it my daily prayer.

Does anyone want to join me? I think I’ll do it all on Instagram this time (since I’m still avoiding my big camera since it’s broken and I’m afraid it’s broken forever). We could use one of those newfangled hashtag thingamajigs people use to find each other’s projects or something. What do you think? Are you in?
UPDATE: the tag will be #findinghappy2013 Hope to see you there!