Tag Archives: anxiety

I Own a Home. WTF?, Just Life

It’s the Middle of the Night and I’m Googling How to Use the Spackle

For a long time I was completely against owning my own home. Because the thing about renting is that when shit goes wrong, it’s not your (financial) problem. I love that. But something changed at some point. It might have been when the housing market crashed and it seemed as though owning a home might be within my grasp. It might have been that moment when my landlord told me that I wasn’t having a jumping spider infestation in the extra bedroom because spiders – and this is a direct quote – “don’t come in through windows.”

And so we tried to get a house. But it was ridiculously difficult. Lower housing costs just made the lower-priced homes an investor’s dream and the market became rather like great white sharks frantically bidding on seals on eBay.

Shut up. That metaphor totally makes sense.

So for one reason or a bunch – and in hindsight it was obviously a good thing for a few reasons – we never were able to buy a home and I’ve been trapped in this apartment for too long.

Long story extremely short, I own a home now. I mean. I still wish someone else was in charge financially. But if my bathtub is going to have gaping holes in it for more than two years those are going to be MY holes. (KNOCK WOOD. Dear Universe, no holey bathtubs, please, ok? Kthx.)

I’m a strange awake-all-night mixture of excited and terrified. This has been a dream and a hope for so long, but now that it’s here I feel all panicky and I’m wondering why the hell I did this and what the hell was I thinking? I’m told this is actually a normal part of the home buying process. If that’s the case, then I have to respectfully ask why realtors can’t prescribe Ambien or some sort of sleep aid. Because this sleeping like Edward Cullen shit is for sparkly-ass vampires, not for single moms who have to figure out how to install vertical blinds tomorrow morning. I mean this morning.

I get the keys in a few hours now. I plan to buy my kids lunch and eat it on the floor of the new apartment. And then make a master to do list for the next few weeks. A list which will include things like: fixing up an apartment, painting, cleaning, packing, moving, cleaning, starting school, and coming up with a homeschooling plan for the next school year that actually starts in only two weeks. OK. Now that I’ve written that out I can see how overwhelming it is. So, Brain? All the more reason TO GO TO SLEEP.

Lady Links, This is a Woman

Lady Links 7.12

my cat is totally over the patriarchy

~TIAW on Pinterest and Tumblr.
~We’re not fat enablers. We’re new shoe hoarders. OK. Well, it’ll make sense once you read the article.
~How to Live With Anxiety. I agree on basically all the points here. Fantastic article.
~The most incredible selfie I will probably ever see. This woman took photos of herself just after her baby was born. JUST after. Like before birthing the placenta. They are bloody and messy and holy crap they are beautiful. You can translate the page at Google Translate.
~We’ve all seen those images that show us what a woman would have to look like if she had Barbie’s measurements, but I like this project which shows what Barbie would look like if she were an average woman.
~Here’s a pretty incredible article about the archetype of Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It goes into what’s wrong with so much of Story these days, and how we, as women, try to find ourselves in characters. I’m tall and not at all petite and when I was younger I would have done anything to have been a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. But, looking back, maybe it’s better that I didn’t fit that physically. Maybe it’s better I couldn’t find a group to fit into. Cause I found Me instead.
~Dustin Hoffman will make you love him more than you adready do.
~The Beauty Industry would like you to remember how disgusting you are as a human animal and here can they help you with that?


The Platinum Rule

I wrote this on Tumblr awhile back:

A long time ago in another lifetime I was sent to some work training thing where they teach you corporate bullshit like “paradigm shift,” or “thinking outside the box.” In this case they taught us about the Platinum Rule. And, despite what I’d like to say about it, I actually find it really valuable. The point is that we’re taught the Golden Rule – to treat others as we’d like to be treated. And that’s important when we don’t know how the OTHERS would want to be treated (not the OTHERS like in Lost. We don’t treat them with either Rule, we just hide). But the Platinum Rule states that we should treat others as THEY want to be treated. Every person and every situation each person is in is so different that there isn’t just one answer.

I wrote that in response to a Stephen Fry quote about depression which came (to my attention) shortly after Allie Brosh’s post about depression.

But the thing is that the Platinum Rule applies to everything. Depression, pregnancy, body image, weddings, procreation, vegetarianism, fandoms… Everything. You know all those “Things not to say” lists? If we all followed the Platinum Rule, we wouldn’t need them.

So why don’t we all follow the Platinum Rule?

I don’t know. But if I had to guess, I would say it’s because the Golden Rule is easier. We created etiquette as a sort of rulebook for life. So we’d know how to handle certain situations that might otherwise be unfamiliar to us. We all know these rules and we have come to expect them from people. People who don’t follow these rules are considered rude because we don’t understand what they are thinking.

But etiquette doesn’t cover every situation ever. So we covered our asses by creating the Golden Rule. If you’re in a situation that your understanding of etiquette doesn’t cover, go ahead and act the way you’d want people to act to you. This is mostly a good thing. It covers all the basics like, “don’t murder people” because you wouldn’t want to be murdered. Or “Give The Hand* when another driver lets you go first” because you’d want someone to give you The Hand if you allowed them to go first.

But then you get to the next level of How To Interact With Other Humans. Those gray areas where your best intentions turn into hurtful things because you don’t know what’s going on in the other person’s head. Where, instead of assuming how you should act, you ask how they want you to act. Because while you may have worries and a gentle reminder to relax might work for you, if someone tells me to relax while I’m having an actual anxiety attack, I only tense up further and become angry on top of anxious, because what I really need at the moment it just to be understood. And possibly some Xanax.

And so here I am. Promoting this Platinum Rule. Which seemed, at first, to be some of the corporate-est bullshittiest corporate bullshit out there, but turns out, upon actual implementation, to be some of the best advice I ever received. So go forth and Platinum each other. And, yes. Let’s always call it Platinuming Each Other.

*You know. The Hand. That little gesture that’s not really a wave? It’s more just a presenting of your hand. But other drivers know you are saying, “Hey, thanks!” and not just, “Look! I have a hand!”