Size is Irrelevant. Love is Real.

I read a comment tonight where a woman lamented the fact that she will never be skinny. And I wanted to tell her, “So let that desire go. If you know right now with 100% positivity that you will never be skinny, let that desire just go all the way. Now that it’s gone you can stop and think about what you want most from your life. A satisfying career? To raise children? To focus on your personal growth? To travel the world? At the end of your life, where do you want to have been?”

A year or so ago I was having a conversation with a friend who was frustrated with her weight. I was reminding her that size is the least important measure of actual health but she kept throwing excuses my way, trying to dodge my actual logic with things like, “But this isn’t the size I know I can be.” And I wanted to say, “OK. But what if your body won’t be that size ever again? What if something is different now and that body size is gone? Then what?”

I see this so often in women. Yes, I just want to be healthy, but I know I need to be smaller. Yes, I just want to be healthy but I’ll feel better at a different size.

And you know? They might.

But what if they never do? What if, at the end of their life, they’ve chased this ideal skinny body, this particular smaller size, always unsatisfied, always trying. And what if they just never get there?

Because that size – even if it IS attainable – is unattainable. That size? It’s a metaphor. It’s irrelevant. It’s imaginary. It’s bullshit.

Tying your life, your health, your mental health to a number (be it dress size, weight, or just the idea of “skinny”) is such a waste.

And to clarify, because I know there will be people out there accusing me of saying being unhealthy is OK: BEING HEALTHY IS THE GOAL HERE, OK?

Be healthy. Eat whole foods. Exercise. Feed your psyche and nourish her. Do your fucking kegels, apparently. But don’t do any of it to get to a number of some sort. Do it because nourishing your body makes you feel good. Because exercising makes you feel strong. Fuck whatever size you think you need to be and just be you. Because living today and loving you today is better than waiting for even a day to love you.

Filed in This is a Woman

{ 7 comments… add one }

  • bethany actually October 30, 2013, 1:27 am

    THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT. I’ve had versions of that conversation (“But what if you never can be that size/weight/shape again? Then what would your goals be? Wouldn’t it be freeing to accept that and move on to the next thing?”) with a half-dozen people. I kind of want to print this out and carry it around with me to use as a reference next time I have one of those conversations.

    Reply
  • bethany actually October 30, 2013, 1:31 am

    I am so bad at blog reading, I just now read your post about your uterus falling out, TWO WEEKS LATER. Geez. I mean, I know I’m one of the lucky ones with whom you have actually spoken about this in person! But I still feel I should be reading your blog, selfishly. Because you are a very good writer and hilarious to boot and I greatly enjoy it.

    All of which to say, I’m commenting here (because comments were closed on the other post) to say that the phrase “it would be a little embarrassing to cry rogue vagina over nothing” made me laugh so very hard. Thanks!

    Reply
    • bonnie October 30, 2013, 8:49 am

      Haha! I’m glad I made you laugh!

      I don’t know why the comments are closed, though – they shouldn’t be. They don’t say they’re closed when I go edit the entry so some weird glitch. Huh.

      Reply
  • beth October 30, 2013, 7:07 am

    i love this and i need to read it every morning.

    Reply
  • DeeJay October 30, 2013, 9:14 am

    Rogue vagina?! Mooglie! Now I will have to go read….

    Reply
  • Bex October 30, 2013, 9:18 am

    I needed this. ♥ Thank you. Ever since a month ago when I was diagnosed with insulin resistance, I’ve been trying to eat healthier. I’ve felt SO MUCH BETTER since I’ve learned how to eat, and you’d think that would be enough, but I’ve been impatient with the numbers on my scale, as though crying over them will make them drop any faster. Why cry over them at all? I feel fantastic. If I feel better and I’m taking care of myself now, my body will adjust to what it needs to be, whether it meets my goal weight or not.

    I agree with Bethany. I should print this out and keep a copy on hand in case I (or someone else) need(s) a reminder. ♥

    Reply
  • Yara October 30, 2013, 10:10 am

    I needed this today.
    You’ve helped me learn this many times, but right now I needed a reminder.
    Thank you for this, Bonnie.

    Reply

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