Ode to Hard Boiled Egg Peeling
Fuck you, eggs.
Sure, the Patriarchy is terrible, but can we talk about how awful the act of peeling eggs is? I’m writing this post to give us a place where we can gather together to rage and support each other through those emotional times when we are forced to peel eggs. It’s just the absolute worst.
This post is NOT a place to suggest “new” methods of peeling hard cooked eggs because, unless NASA has just released an entirely new method this week, I promise you I’ve tried every single idea ever and it’s still just the worst thing on the whole planet. If you find that you absolutely cannot avoid offering suggestions, I will be forced to put a curse on you and all your subsequent generations which will cause bunnies to explode whenever you come near them. This would be terrible. And embarrassing. When people would ask you why the fuck bunnies were always exploding when you were around you would be forced to say, “I offered unwanted advice about eggs” and you would become a social outcast. So don’t, okay? Save the bunnies.
But if you, like me, hate peeling eggs with the fire of seven thousand suns, feel free to leave a comment. Extra points for inventing new curse words I can save and use in case of road rage.
I don’t hate peeling eggs because I have this tried and true method… Hold on, I have to go see what is causing that loud exploding noise outside…
I approve of your snark.
Sometimes they peel beautifully and I don’t mind peeling. Other times they are bastard eggs and I hate them. This one time I was peeling a bastard egg and someone made a comment about how I was ruining the egg and tried to tell me how to peel it better and I nearly shoved that egg up their nose. I didn’t because it wouldn’t have been enough torture.
Anyone who would ever think that’s a waste of money has never peeled a super fresh hard-boiled egg. Because that way leads to madness, my friend.
You know that scene in the Bridget Jones Diary movie where Bridget’s mom is demonstrating some fancy gadget in the department store? It’s totally an egg peeler, and every time I see that scene, I think “LIES!” Because yeah, no way. I also have no advice to offer because I so rarely make hard boiled eggs that when I do, I may only eat like one at a time. So I don’t get annoyed in repetition; I just rage over the one egg…
But it’s true there’s a lot of stupid things people suggest. Cold versus hot, salted versus not salted water, etc. sometimes they’re okay, sometimes they’re not. Stupid stupid stupid eggs.
(I’m good with bunnies, right???)
The only suggestion I have is for you to let me peel your eggs when I’m there, because I don’t mind it. Sorry for stupid eggs.
Well, I like peeling them when they are good. It’s just that it’s such a hit or miss thing and I cannot consistently get them to be good. And THAT is what makes me the stabby.
I have often felt a connection to you, as if you understand so much about the me that is held quietly inside. It’s never been strong than it is now. Damn eggs.