Category Archives: Just Life

It’s the Middle of the Night and I’m Googling How to Use the Spackle

BY bonnie

For a long time I was completely against owning my own home. Because the thing about renting is that when shit goes wrong, it’s not your (financial) problem. I love that. But something changed at some point. It might have been when the housing market crashed and it seemed as though owning a home might be within my grasp. It might have been that moment when my landlord told me that I wasn’t having a jumping spider infestation in the extra bedroom because spiders – and this is a direct quote – “don’t come in through windows.”

And so we tried to get a house. But it was ridiculously difficult. Lower housing costs just made the lower-priced homes an investor’s dream and the market became rather like great white sharks frantically bidding on seals on eBay.

Shut up. That metaphor totally makes sense.

So for one reason or a bunch – and in hindsight it was obviously a good thing for a few reasons – we never were able to buy a home and I’ve been trapped in this apartment for too long.

Long story extremely short, I own a home now. I mean. I still wish someone else was in charge financially. But if my bathtub is going to have gaping holes in it for more than two years those are going to be MY holes. (KNOCK WOOD. Dear Universe, no holey bathtubs, please, ok? Kthx.)

I’m a strange awake-all-night mixture of excited and terrified. This has been a dream and a hope for so long, but now that it’s here I feel all panicky and I’m wondering why the hell I did this and what the hell was I thinking? I’m told this is actually a normal part of the home buying process. If that’s the case, then I have to respectfully ask why realtors can’t prescribe Ambien or some sort of sleep aid. Because this sleeping like Edward Cullen shit is for sparkly-ass vampires, not for single moms who have to figure out how to install vertical blinds tomorrow morning. I mean this morning.

I get the keys in a few hours now. I plan to buy my kids lunch and eat it on the floor of the new apartment. And then make a master to do list for the next few weeks. A list which will include things like: fixing up an apartment, painting, cleaning, packing, moving, cleaning, starting school, and coming up with a homeschooling plan for the next school year that actually starts in only two weeks. OK. Now that I’ve written that out I can see how overwhelming it is. So, Brain? All the more reason TO GO TO SLEEP.

Just Life, Onwards, The Zebra

Begin.

BY bonnie

It’s been just over two years since my mom died. But I could swear it’s just been one.

I mean, I can account for all the time that passed, and I remember things that happened in that time, but somewhere along the way I feel like I essentially lost 2012. It’s okay. It sounds dramatic to write it out like that, but I assume it’s just part of what grief is.

Well, and recovery from The Worst Year Ever. In 2011 my ex-husband and I split up and just as I was getting my life in order, my mom died leaving me her only heir to clean up her mess (literal mess – it was a hoarder’s house), while in the middle of that (luckily I had wonderful people help me with it) my face and hands suddenly went numb for some reason. I swear I was living Betty Draper’s life what with the dead mom and numb hands. WTF, even? I mean. Of ALL the fictional worlds to mimic, my life goes with Mad Men? NO, LIFE, NO. PICK HARRY POTTER INSTEAD, MKAY?

And so when 2011 was over… I mean. I don’t even honestly know. 2012 happened, somehow. I went to Disneyland a lot. That was probably just as effective as Prozac. I wasn’t really depressed, or maybe I just wasn’t severely depressed. But I certainly wasn’t exactly awake. There were some dark times. The anniversary of her death hit me really hard and most of July was bleak. I braced myself this year for another difficult summer, but it wasn’t nearly the same. It was okay. And I’m sure it would have even been normal except that I’ve spent all of this year holding my breath for other reasons.

I feel like I’ve essentially lost a couple of years now. Things are so different, I don’t even recognize my life from three years ago. I’ve had to let go of a lot. For practical reasons, as well as out of kindness to myself.

I remember when I was a kid I had a list of things that would make my life perfect, or that would mean my life had begun. I know better now than to think life isn’t happening all the time. I may wait for certain things, but I don’t stop living while I wait.

Even so I feel a little like that that younger version of myself now. Like I’ve spent the last two, almost three years, waiting. And that’s not such a big deal for me as an adult with many years under my belt, but three years is a massive chunk of my kids’ childhoods and I feel a little resentful that it’s been stolen from me or them or us or someone. Or no one. I don’t think my kids have noticed, really. But, because of grief, these last few years have been sleepy and surreal for me, and I guess that colors my perception of things.

But now I’m a student. And I am probably/hopefully/most likely/with any luck moving soon to a place of my own. And my divorce is final now. And, I’m a little bit hesitant to say it because of the way the last few years have felt, but I almost feel like my life is about to begin.

Life isn’t what they tell you. It’s not grow up, go to college, fall in love, buy a house, have the babies, be happy, do good in the world, die a peaceful death when you are old and have lived a good long life. It’s grow up in a fucked up alcoholic-hoarder home, feel too stupid to go to college, have zero plans, be essentially asleep in life, get married, have the babies, accidentally start a feminist movement online, finally wake up, get divorced, lose your alcoholic-hoarder mom, go back to school, try to buy a house, live until you are eleventy-one making a difference in the world all the while. It doesn’t look at all like I was promised when I was a little girl. Life isn’t neatly packaged. It’s awkward and convoluted and messy. Life isn’t linear. Life is a web, everything connected to everything. And that’s okay. That’s beautiful. But you have to know what you are looking at to see the beauty. If you expect linear, a messy web isn’t going to look nice. Expect the web. Know now that life is messy and that makes it beautiful.

Giveaway!, Just Life, Places We Go and Things We Do

LA Things & Meeting Rainbow

BY bonnie

When Rainbow first announced she was going to be in Los Angeles I decided the kids and I would make a day of it and do LA Things before the book signing. We’ve seen the tar pits and the observatory and Hollywood Things before and we will again someday, but this time we decided to go check out Angels Flight, a historic train that carries you uphill for only fifty cents. I’d never even heard of it before seeing this video a couple of months ago, and neither had Annika despite being in that general area on a regular basis. So we met up with her and a couple other friends and a whole mess of kids and we rode the train. And the kids were all GOAL ACCOMPLISHED LET’S RIDE AGAIN. And I was kinda like, HELL YEAH LET’S, but I was mostly like I’M UNPREPARED FOR LIFE IN GENERAL BUT ALSO FOR THIS THING AND I HAVE ZERO CASH SO MY ABILITY TO RIDE THIS IS BASED ENTIRELY ON WHETHER MY FRIENDS HAVE AN EXTRA $1.50 FOR MY FAMILY’S FARE. (I wonder if it’s weird to paypal someone $1.50 to pay them back?)

So, in between the train ride up and then back down we stopped at this big trashy sculpture and took a group shot. Like you do.

The train is mostly indoor seating, but does have one short bench at the top that is outdoors. On the ride up I rode outside there, but the seat was taken so I was standing up. It was… alarming. The ride inside felt like any train ride, but outside – perhaps because I was standing – I felt every little jerk or jostle and the part of the track where the trains pass each other was unnerving to say the least. But, you know me. That’s my kind of thrill. Riding up a totally safe commuter train is basically my version of Six Flags. That’s just how I roll.

Directly across from the bottom train stop is Grand Central Market. I assume this is similar to Pike Place Market (although I’m guessing Grand Central is smaller?) but we don’t have something like that here. Yet. We’re working on it, but so far the Public Market is just open once a week for farmer’s markets with the hopes that it will become a full time place in the future.

Once we were done with our picnic dinner, it was Coffee Time (cause did I mention I was working on 5 hours of sleep? And I had to keep everyone alive for just about that same amount of driving). Right there in the market was G&B Coffee which made me my very first fancy latte. I don’t even know a place here in town that makes foam pretty like this so I was ridiculously excited, but the best part is that it was made with almond milk. And you know what? It was freshly-made almond milk. I can’t do (cow) dairy, and I don’t like to do soy so I get overexcited when a coffee place does almond milk in general, but this was so creamy and light-tasting that I might just drive up there again just for that. I am not even kidding.

It’s out of focus, but damn she’s adorable.

And then we headed over to Book Soup for Rainbow’s book signing. It was so much fun. I’ve known Rainbow online for a couple of years now, but this was the first time I met her in person. We didn’t get much chance to hang out that night because things were very busy but during the reading and Q&A portion of the night she was so much like the Rainbow I know. You know. At a microphone in front of a crowd of people? Well. That is, actually, a little bit like what the internet is like, isn’t it? We’re all in front of our own microphones and crowds there listening to us? So maybe this was my most accurate online-friend meeting ever. She’s going to be in San Diego tomorrow (that’s Friday, right?) so if you have the chance, I highly recommend coming to see her. And don’t forget to enter my giveaway to win her book!

We all wore matching t-shirts because we are cool or dorks or something.

Holidays, Just Life, Wheel of the year

Independence Day

BY bonnie

I think I might be dating myself if I say that I always have this desire to shorten the holiday’s name to ID4. I might be dating myself, but I think the actual phrase I’m looking for is “I might be a total nerd.” But I have legitimate reasons for this:

1. I’m lazy and “Independence Day” is long.
2. “Independence” is one of those words I have a hard time spelling for some reason. It always comes out “independance”. Maybe cause it makes me want to dance? (Answer: NO.)
3. Jeff Goldblum was super hot in that movie.

Actually, now that I type that out, I wonder if anyone even remembers that the movie was nicknamed ID4 when it came out. I remember this vividly because it was my first summer working at the movie theatre and that Fourth of July I spent 9 hours straight working without any breaks at all (because my bosses were all, “Labor laws? We laugh in the face of labor laws! *whipcrack* You! Work like it’s 1894!”) and the line for Independence Day stretched twice around the mall. Srsly. Life was so hard in 1996. Without the option to buy your tickets online ahead of time or 4 different theaters totaling 106 different screens within three miles to choose from. I remember having customers who didn’t understand what ATM cards were and thought that “up to $40 cash back” meant they might win money.

I digress. The point is that we had bacon-wrapped hot dogs and Cokes to celebrate our country’s birth. We also saw a 3D movie, had cupcakes, played with glow sticks, watched fireworks, and wore our stars and stripes Chucks (well, I did) like good Americans. It was, overall, a pretty awesome day.

(There are fireworks in that picture. They’re just so tiny it looks like people standing with their heads on fire.)

Just Life, Lady Links, This is a Woman

What today has been like so far.

BY bonnie

So my day has been like this:

1. Wake up to an email from the BBC about doing a story. What? That’s normal.
2. Make coffee to try to become human for aforementioned interview.
3. Do interview.
4. Think coffee is empty and go to check cup but instead spill coffee all over everything. Also: waste coffee.
5. Cry. I am so tired. This week has been so busy and I have so much to accomplish in the next hour and I didn’t have all the caffeine. Cry.
6. Get a call from a local news station still in SOAM mode but it wasn’t about SOAM at all. WON TICKETS TO COMIC CON INSTEAD.
7. Did I mention I started my period? Cause this is all just kind of a lot to handle.

This is what my day has not been like:

1. Having the week’s Lady Links already prepared and ready to go.
2. Sitting down and having time to write up this week’s Lady Links.
3. Finishing a whole cup of coffee before noon.
4. Making a pretty little picture to post with this story so that I can be, or at least look like, a Responsible Blogger.

Well. You know my motto: Thank god I’m cute.

Just Life, Wheel of the year

Matchy-Matchy June-June (for him and her and me and you)

BY bonnie

I was looking over my most recent edition of PhotoJojo’s Time Capsule (which, if you are a Flickr person, you really need to sign up for this) and the thing that struck me is that in some ways (mostly those ways documented by photos), this June looks really similar to last June.

Take, for example, the drive-in. The kids and I usually try to hit the drive-in at least once a summer (it’s open year round here, but I am a delicate flower and daren’t venture outside at night in the winter), but we don’t necessarily try to get it done right in June. That is a coincidence (or, possibly, just an effect of how the movie industry plans their releases).

Last year:

This year:

And then there is the celebration of Litha. Which is always in June. So. Not really a surprise, I guess. But we haven’t necessarily always gone to the same beach over the years, and some of our celebrations have been more ceremonial than just running through waves and bringing home half the sand. But last year and this year we minimized. At the same… beach. So. There.

Last year:

This year:

I’ll never stop posting this picture. Sorry not sorry.

Bowling. (Which. Every time we go, or I blog about it, or think the word “bowling” I get this song in my head.) There is a nationwide program called Kids Bowl Free where you can sign up your kids for two free games each day of the summer. You only pay for shoes, and you can buy yourself a summer pass for only $25 to bowl with them. It’s awesome. It’s the only way I can afford bowling. We go a few times each summer, but the photos only happen in June, I guess, while the experience is shiny and new again.

Last year:

This year:

But here’s the oddest one. This is, apparently, the time of year where I lug giant books around with me and sit at the playground next to Trader Joe’s and read while the kids play. And photograph myself doing it (what? 7 Days is always in June, too).

Last year:

This year:

7 Days, Just Life

7 Days: Day 1 (Drive-In Night)

BY bonnie

(7 Days is a quarterly self-portrait group project I have taken part in for the last sixish years. One selfie a day for a week.)

Tonight was Drive-In night! I’m too tired for words to happen right now so here’s bullet points:

~Loved Monsters University
~Kids had a blast being overly goofy in the way back of the wagon
~Camping sleeping bags are cozy and warm
~Also handy: camping lantern. would have helped last year when I lost my keys for half of The Avengers
~SUPERMOON was tonight
~I miss Tony Stark, but I’m glad we didn’t stay for Iron Man 3
~Because tired (Also because I’ve already seen it)

PICTURES!

Also, I took this Instagram video that I am too stinking proud of: Projector Lights at the Drive In

Just Life, Local

That’s Fair

BY bonnie

(HAR.)

We haven’t been to the fair in a few years. Partly because the last two themes have been boring to the point of repellant. I think one was football or maybe team sports in general. That makes me violently bored. So bored I want to hurt people. I think maybe someone took a good long look around the fair crowds last year and was all, “Wow. There are, like, zero nerds here. We must remedy this.” And so this year’s theme was gaming. No. Really. Before this (well, I guess before the sports one) I had considered a fair’s theme incidental, and I barely paid notice to it at all. But this year the theme made the experience that much more exciting.

There were giant versions of games like Operation and Connect Four, there were old arcade games like Dig Dug and Pac Man, and there were live versions of games like Family Feud. And the decorations. There were Monopoly board spaces directing you places (GO!) and even a jail one in the security office (which I did not get a picture of). It was too perfect. There were even art exhibits dedicated to gaming (which I was not allowed to get pictures of).

For a long time we always paid to park in the lot on the fairgrounds because strollers are a pain in the ass on trams or shuttles. But we don’t need those anymore and free is my favorite price for parking. PLUS! The shuttles now are (usually) double decker buses! Some that still advertise “Picadilly” in peeling letters! One that has the Beatles plastered on the outside for some reason! So I thought it would be super exciting to ride on the top deck of an open-air double-decker bus. But instead of “super exciting” it was “kind of terrifying”. When the first street light whizzed past my head and we headed towards that freeway underpass (pictured below), I got a ~~little bit~~ lot bit dizzy. I kind of enjoyed the thrill but also kind of wished there were seat belts and/or a track guiding the bus. I am not a roller coaster person and that was just about my limit of excitement.

The trip had been a total surprise for the kids (and a slight surprise for me as well, since I only decided on it the day before) and it turned out to be a really fun day. We don’t make it to the fair every single year, but I’m glad we did this time. Dear Fair Planners: Maybe next year’s theme can be Harry Potter?

You can see the rest of the photos here.