In this post I will yell and scream and use a lot of bad words while I rant about compassion.

BY bonnie

So last week was terrible.

I kept wanting to write about the Ferguson shit, but I couldn’t find any words because I was so sad about the Robin Williams shit.

Things I found myself arguing about on Facebook:
~Whether suicide is selfish or cowardly.
~Whether Robin Williams “just didn’t try hard enough” to overcome depression.
~Whether white privilege exists or not.

And the thing is that I don’t really understand why any of these are arguments at all. Because people who struggle with depression have SAID WITH THEIR MOUTHS that you can’t just decide to be happy and then *poof* the depression goes away. So why are you still arguing about who tried harder? (Watch out, I feel some bad words coming on.) And, do you know how hard it must be to get to a place where you suddenly decide to not live anymore? Millions of years of evolution and your entire biology will do absolutely anything – including cutting off your own arm in certain cases – just to not die. So how can people still say it’s a selfish or cowardly thing knowing what desperation must have been present? (No, really, here comes the cussing.) And the white privilege thing is really pretty fucking clear. (THERE IT IS.) Even before we knew that Michael Brown had, in actual fact, been shot no less than six times from a distance, there was Eric Garner and two others.

Super embarrassing to admit: When I was an ignorant teenager being raised by a woman who later in her life would subscribe to multiple Bill O’Riley email lists I didn’t get the need for Affirmative Action. After all, my education taught me that Rosa Parks and Dr. King fixed the racism problem and now we all lived in a happy world where we could totally share the drinking fountains. (I had similar ignorant ideas about feminism. I KNOW.) But, honestly, how the hell would I ever have known that racism was still alive and well? I never had to live it.

So here is the big secret about how I learned about white privilege and feminism and depression:

I FUCKING LISTENED TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY TALKED.

It turns out – and this may shock you – people tend to share their feelings and thoughts and experiences. Sometimes they do this when asked, and sometimes they choose to start the conversation. But you have, to paraphrase Mark Twain, twice as many ears as you do mouths. SO FUCKING USE THEM OKAY.

There is no fucking way this earth is ever going to get better, there is no fucking way humans will ever stop being terrible unless we have fucking compassion. You already have everything you can possibly need to make the world better, you have the ability to fucking change shit, and all you have to do is fucking LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY TELL YOU THINGS.

If someone you know says you are struggling with depression, you DON’T say, “Well, try harder!” Or “Have you tried being happy instead?” That shit shuts down the conversation and alienates people which, as it turns out, doesn’t really help depression. Weird, right? Instead try something like, “How can I help you?” And “I love you so much and you mean so much to me.”

This listening trick can work in literally every aspect of your life. Know someone who’s overweight? Listen to their feelings and experiences and help to end fat phobia! Know someone who’s trans? Listen to their feelings and experiences and help to end trans phobia! Know someone who’s a different religion than you are? Listen to their thoughts and experiences and help to bridge the massive gaps we have in religious and culture differences. Just shut up and listen! It’s amazing! It’s free! It’s revolutionary!

The word compassion just keeps coming up for me this week. Everything has been about people lacking compassion for other people. Compassion. Compassion. Compassion. Fucking focus on that shit right now okay? It will fix everything. Not right away, of course, because there are a shitload of other steps that need to be taken first, but fucking COMPASSION IS THE FIRST FUCKING STEP AND IT IS VITAL TO FUCKING EVERY SITUATION EVER.

Here are some good articles about the Ferguson shit and white privilege. Fucking listen, okay?

Explaining White Privilege to a Broke White Person.

Explaining white privilege with funny memes so you don’t have to word too much.

America is not for Black People (I kept being very confused about how people would show pictures of tanks in America with the caption that “this is not America” because, actually, it IS America. I mean. Very clearly it is. You mean that you don’t want it to be – which is also kinda shitty because what that’s really saying is “keep your mega violence in the Middle East so we can pretend MURRICA is totally radical, okay?”)

Things to Stop Being Distracted By When A Black Person Gets Murdered by Police (I was somewhat heartened when I saw these things being discussed more and more as the week went on. Some of you are listening. Go, you!)

Some people have suggested that we stop calling it “white privilege” because, I assume, it scares white people and makes them think they have to feel guilty for being born white. I mean. Whatever. I guess. I don’t really care if you call it something else, but I do think that white people should STFU, stop being whiny babies, and just take a moment to (say it with me!) LISTEN and understand what the phrase actually means. It’s really got nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with the SYSTEM. Which even our history books do not deny was built by white people. Here’s an article that puts it much more politely.

Stuff you can do to help:

Ten Things White People Can Do About Ferguson Besides Tweet

In addition to the link just above, if you need to actively do something, here’s a Tumblr post with some ideas.

AND THIS. This is a petition to the White House (which they have to look at since it’s reached the needed number of signatures) to have cameras worn by all law enforcement.

And listen. Just fucking listen. Have compassion and just fucking listen.

Lady Links, Social Justice, This is a Woman

Lady Links! (6.28)

BY bonnie

So that was a fairly epic week, no?

The US Supreme Court made some big decisions. One of them sets us back about 50 years in terms of racism allowed by the law (what? no. really). So that’s bad. The other one makes us somewhat closer to even with many other countries in terms of laws allowing gay marriage. So that’s good.

And then this thing happened in Texas. A thing where a woman (literally) stood up for what she believed in for twelve hours. She was constantly harassed about whether or not she was following the law. When a second woman tried to speak her own voice she was ignored repeatedly until she asked the question, “at what point must a female senator raise her hand or her voice to be recognized over her male colleagues?” And that? Was the beginning of something beautiful. It was about 15 minutes to go before Davis’ filibuster killed the anti-abortion bill when Van de Putte poised her question and all the women in the building (and probably many of the 170,000 people watching it stream live) burst into cheers and screams and chanting for twenty full minutes. When the republicans tried to silence Davis, the people took up her cause. And then, once they finally quieted down after the deadline, the republicans voted anyway. Because fuck the laws we are here to protect that’s why. What they maybe weren’t aware of was the 170,000 people watching it stream live. The hypocrisy kills me. I think, if justice is to be done, they should be given whatever punishment they deserve. I don’t expect justice to be done, though.

Why are we still living in the dark ages? I mean, really.

It’s like Paula Deen’s thing this week. She keeps going on and on and giving these weak apologies and excuses and “reasons” without ever actually facing the fact that she is, in fact, behaving in a racist way. It’s like, if no one’s getting lynched anymore that means racism is done. In all honestly, that’s how I used to feel about feminism. As a kid I didn’t see it. Women could vote now. We had the Equal Pay Act. We were allowed to become astronauts or Supreme Court justices. Feminism: Accomplished! Right? It wasn’t until I got older (and probably also that the world got smaller) that I was able to really see how things are. But I AM a woman. It’s easier to see discrimination when you are the one facing it. Paula Deen isn’t able to face her racist words and actions because she’s white and because she sees racism as this archaic thing that people don’t do anymore cause we all use the same drinking fountains now. She can’t see – perhaps because of the environment in which she lives – that she is still perpetuating racist ideals. But racism is more than just those clear symbols we grew up knowing were (or grew to know are) wrong.

Basically what I am saying is that racism and sexism and homophobia don’t always look the way you think they look. The old criteria were just the outer layer, the easy part. Now we have to really use our hearts and our minds and deeply think and deeply feel our way to equality. And that’s hard work.

Blah blah blah. On to the links. I mean the other links.

No, wait I’m not done yet. I can’t get over the blatant disregard for ACTUAL LAWS that happened there in Texas. They LIED. They CHANGED the time stamp to make it look like they passed it before the deadline. THEY FUCKING LIED. And when they were caught, they were all, “Heh. Oops. Our bad.” And that’s basically it. What we should have heard (at the very, very least) was, “Wow. You’re right. We let our passion over losing get in the way of our jobs here. We fucked up. Badly. There is honestly no way to fully apologize for how we betrayed all of our constituents. You all trusted us to work within the laws we, as a state, have a greed upon, and we completely and utterly did the opposite of that. We have learned our lesson. In the future we promise not to let our feelings get in the way of our morality. We are so, so sorry. And we know that apology isn’t enough, but we hope to show you in the future how we will stick to this promise if you let us.” And then the people of Texas should be all, “We accept your apology,” and then vote them out at the very first opportunity. At the very, very least. And this just addresses the actual lies and clear violation of the laws, not all the shady-but-not-technically-illegal stuff that also happened. How do people live with themselves? How do people continue to vote for this party? Because the thing is that I am not anti-republican by any means, but I am absolutely anti-asshat, and too many republicans in office ARE asshats.

Ok now I’m done.

~TIAW on Tumblr and Pinterest.
~You are loved. Even by your dentist.
~This is something I always wanted to do for SOAM, but I never trusted myself enough as a photographer. What a beautiful book. I am so glad it exists.
~This isn’t about body image. It’s about women in a sense, but really as more of a part of humanity. But it’s still really fucking cool. Scientists have long believed that some people (mostly certain women) have the ability to see more colors on the spectrum than the rest of us. They’ve finally found a woman who proves their theory.
~Here’s a pretty empowering post relating what happens when a random asshole guy tries harassing the wrong (actually the right) woman. (But I have to ask. How do people just randomly text people? I mean. How did he know he was texting a woman? I don’t get it. Please explain to this old lady.)